I am Pro-"Less Government Intervention"...especially when it comes to my body.

I don't want to live in a world where the word abortion regularly occupies space in my brain. I don't want to live in a place where people debate precisely when a life actually becomes a life, because that distinction will have catastrophic consequences. I don't want to live in a place where women who are raped are forced to give birth to their rapists children. And I don't want my heart to understand that abortions, simply put, end innocent lives. I don't want to acknowledge that so much human suffering is happening all around me. And I most certainly don't want anyone to tell me how I should feel about it, and what I will be mandated to do, should I ever be put in a position to fathom the possibility of aborting a child.

But it's not about the reality that I want.

The reality is that we already live in that world. The reality is that there is no simple answer, no checklist to complete to determine if you are pro-life or pro-choice. You can be both, and that's ok. If you are pro-choice, does that mean you accept late term abortions? If you are pro-choice, do you condone the practice of using abortions as birth control? If you are pro-life, does that mean that you think a woman who is raped should have to give birth to her rapists baby? If you are pro-life, does that mean that you disagree with aborting a fetus that is medically incapable of any quality of life outside the womb? Or are you like so many people whose hearts and minds are in turmoil because you know that it is not a "one size fits all" issue? It is the most devastating of gray areas.

I have pretty strong convictions about the choices I would make regarding an unplanned pregnancy, many women do. But until we are actually faced with that decision, none of us know exactly how we would feel, and what factors might influence our decision. It's not black and white, very few things are these days.

If we are prepared to say that abortions are illegal, then are we prepared to live with the consequences of neglected babies, discarded babies, unloved babies? Are we prepared to support foster families and adoptive families and victims of rape and incest? Are we prepared to acknowledge the fact that many women will die trying to abort their babies on their own?

If we are prepared to say that abortions are legal, are we prepared to acknowledge that many babies will die, simply because birth control did not prevent their existence? Simply because aborting  pregnancies seemed like the only option to many scared women? Are we prepared to acknowledge the fact that some babies who may have lived to become amazing humans were aborted because of fear, because of uncertainty, because of financial hardships?

At what point do we stop and say NO. This is not a political issue. This is a humanitarian issue and should be treated as such. It should not be a platform to divide parties, it should not be a government issue at all. It should be an individual decision and it should be made without fear of repercussions and judgment and scorn.

I am Pro Life and I am Pro Choice. I support the lives of humans already living outside the womb and I support the ability of women to have the right to choose if an abortion is their necessary evil.

A Letter to My Nephew’s MOM…

Dear Former Sister,

When you met my little brother and quickly fell in love, my heart was overjoyed for you both. You see, as an older sibling (and a girl!) I have always been a bit protective of my little brother, and I saw something in your relationship that made my heart swell. You made each other happy. And all I want in this lifetime is for those I love to be happy.

It was easy to see what he saw in you. From early on, I considered you to be another sister in my arsenal of family. We got along great and had lots in common. I loved watching you with my children, you were a natural and they LOVED you. I trusted them to your care and never once questioned that decision. I knew you would be a great Mom one day.

I’m sure when you said yes to a marriage proposal; you did not intend to become my brother’s ex wife. I am sure that when you discovered that you were pregnant, you did not intend to get divorced soon after your baby’s birth. I am sure that you did not plan for your baby to have “another Mommy” in his life and “another Daddy” too. I am quite certain that you never imagined you’d have to share your son with your ex husband.  I am sure that this path that you are now on, is not one that you’d imagined for yourself when you met my brother.

BUT…it is a reality nonetheless.  And that’s OK. I harbor no ill will toward you or your decision to divorce my brother. We have something very special in common. Jack Attack, Jack Be Nimble, Jack O Lantern…by any other name, he is your son, and he is my nephew. And just to be clear…every one of my nephews is as near and dear to my heart as my own children. We are family.

You are still family to me because you are the mother of my adorable little nephew. And for the rest of his spectacular life, JACK will be a part of my family. And now there are just more people in his village of caretakers. How wonderful for Jack.

My brother has proven me wrong and I am thrilled. I was nervous about him being a single Dad. Would he know what his son needs and how to give it to him? Will he be attentive and careful and nurturing? Will he BE THERE for his son when the going gets tough? I am almost ashamed now at how scared I was. Because he has been AWESOME. Lest there be any doubt in your mind…despite the tumultuous past couple of years…he has become an amazing father. I don’t have to be his shadow and remind him that his son needs sunscreen. I don’t have to tell him to be careful near the stairs. I don’t have to tell him that when his son is trying to get his attention by yelling I LOVE YOU DADDY, he should respond the same way no matter how repetitive and exhausting it is to cater to the whims of toddlers. I don’t have to tell him how important it is that he read to his child. I don’t have to tell him to cut his grapes in half so he doesn’t choke.  I don’t have to tell him anything because he’s already doing it.

But what I have to tell YOU is that I desperately need you to allow him to be his son’s Father. Trust him to know what is in his son’s best interest. Know and understand that no matter how many people love and care for your son, no one can replace the bond he has and needs with his Dad. And know that our family (who loved you like our own) will move Heaven and Earth to make sure that Jack knows how much he is loved. He has 4 cousins whose little eyes light up whenever they get to see him. He has 6 aunts and uncles who take every chance they get to snuggle him and run around with him and just BE with him. And he has 4 grandparents who shower him with squeeze hugs and kisses whenever they get the chance. He needs our family every bit as much as we need him. And he needs your family just the same.

I am pleading with you to put the past aside, forget the attorneys and the courts, the hatred and the animosity…and co-parent your child with my brother…remembering that Jack is who you are both fighting for. And like it or not, he needs you both. The best thing you BOTH can do for your child is to just get along.

Love,

Your Former Sister and (Favorite) Aunt to Your Son

A Country Mourns...Again

I find myself blogging when I am sad, or enraged or just frustrated because it helps me to feel better when I write my feelings down, and sometimes it brings peace.
 As we mourn the victims of the Boston Bombing, i am reminded of the heartache we felt just a few short months ago when we mourned the victims of the Newtown Shooting. And then shortly before that, the victims of the Movie Theatre Massacre. I could go on, but my heart hurts just trying to express how undeniably sad I am, with words that just cannot do these tragedies justice. Just the word TRAGEDY alone seems like a household name now, too common to contain what it really is supposed to define. With each and every occurrence of evil that befalls my world, a little piece of my soul just disappears. I cannot fathom where such indescribable acts can possibly come from. I do not understand, and therefore I continue to mourn. I sit at my desk, trying to get through my day, and fulfill my work responsibilities and rush home to my husband and children, grateful that they are home to greet me. My brain cannot comprehend what it would be like to come home to sadness, day in and day out. What heartache must be like for those who lose a child, or a spouse, or a sibling, or a friend...to such a senseless act.
The news channels are repeating horrific, war-like footage of the attacks, using words like "amputation" and "carnage" and "shrapnel". How is this not war? How does this happen in the city that i LOVE, on a day that is supposed to celebrate the amazing physical abilities of athletes from around the world, from the elite to the amateurs?
As in past tragedies...we will not let evil win. Our reaction to this action...will bring us together once again. As a city, as a Nation. WE WILL NOT LET YOU WIN...NOT NOW. NOT EVER.

The Season of Giving

This time of year, we as a collective society are more attuned to the needs of others and the spirit of giving than any other month in our calendar year. For the past several years, I have struggled with trying to come up with a meaningful act of giving that I could share with my husband and children and carry on as a tradition. The first year I decided to buy a bunch of small stuffed animals and deliver them to a local hospital for the pediatric ward. The second year it was a local police station that we donated stuffed animails to, as they keep them in their cruisers to take on domestic violence calls where children are involved. Then last year, my entire extended family donated bags of food to a local food pantry. And the list goes on. But I have yet to come up with a "signature" act of giving. And the more and more I thought about it...it hit me. CHARITY STARTS AT HOME...
Like many of us, I am inclined to donate to almost any family member or friend who asks for my support in raising funds for one organization or the other. Cure this, help stop that, raise awareness for this other thing. THEY ARE ALL ADMIRABLE CAUSES and it's hard to spread the little funds I have amongst them all, and really feel like I've made a difference. So this year I am going to take a different approach and help someone in need that i know personally. I know a lot of people. I am involved with several organizations both personally and professionally, and I like to network. SO I KNOW PEOPLE. And I know people who are struggling to pay their bills, struggling to make it through another day at work, struggling to get by. Instead of sending another donation to the Make a Wish Foundation (which makes me cry my way to work for a solid 30 minutes once a year), I am going to make a local wish come true. And this is so EASY to do. We all know people who could really benefit from a couple extra bags of groceries, an extra $50 bill, a warm pair of mittens, a cuddly teddy bear. Maybe sometimes my "gift" will have to be anonymous, and maybe sometimes it will not. And you know what? What you put into the lives of others, comes back into your own. And your children learn from your actions, not your words.
PAY IT FORWARD...
I encourage anyone reading this blog to do the same. No matter who you are, and what financial circumstances you find yourself in right now...you can afford to be the catalyst that restores someone's faith in humanity.

To Give or To Teach

I've been toying with the idea of "blogging" for quite some time now. On my way home from work today I decided TODAY IS THE DAY I START MY BLOG. No real intro, no author bio, no theme...just ME. Please comment and feel free to share!

I have never thought to myself, "MY CHILDREN DESERVE A BETTER LIFE".
Because saying that they deserve a better life means that my life has been less than what i'd hoped or dreamed...and that is just plain not true. I had an awesome childhood full of family, friends, birthday parties, vacations, time-outs, groundings, punishments, etc. Of course the latter three were not my fondest memories, but you know what? Those are the three that made me who I am today. My parents were truly GOOD PARENTS and they continue to be truly GOOD PARENTS. They taught me right from wrong. They taught me the value of friendships. They instilled in me a good work ethic. They led by example. They lived their lives as GOOD PEOPLE and in doing so, raised GOOD CHILDREN. I'm not patting myself on the back here, really I am not. I know I am a good person, just as I know that each of my three siblings are inherently good people.
I am a mother now. I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can be the best mother to my children and how i can provide the very best life. And every single time i think about it, i think about how my own mother raised me. How she loved me, how she disciplined me (as if i ever needed it), how she was my cheerleader, my best friend, my devil's advocate, my hero, my saving grace.

My mother is easily, hands down THE GENUINELY NICEST PERSON i have ever known. I don't say this as a means to get my name on the first page of the will, but to acknowledge it as fact. She is. When people tell me I remind them of my mother, i get all warm inside because i know that whatever it is that she's made up of...it's in me too.

How can i make sure it's in my children?

I have to be real. Even if my "realness" is not always good. Even if my "realness" makes mistakes. Even if my "realness" hurts their feelings.

Would i lay down my life for my children? In a heartbeat.

But you know what else i would do (and have done) FOR my children?

I would buy only ONE Spiderman action figure at the store...and force them to play together, to teach them to share. (Oh, the horror!)
I would refuse them a request for a lolli pop at the bank sometimes...to teach them about special treats.
I would send them to bed without dinner for poor behavior at the dinner table...to teach them about respect.
I would turn down the offer of a sports trophy that my child "won" just because "everyone's a winner"...to teach them that it's not whether you win or lose that matters, it's how you played the game. And for crying out loud THERE IS A WINNER AND A LOSER! That's life!
I would bring them to a homeless shelter to help feed the homeless...to teach them about humanity.
I would introduce them to our local policemen and firefighters to teach them about bravery.

And most importantly...i would be right there beside them for every bit of it...to teach them about FAMILY.

I will not GIVE my children a better life...i will TEACH them how to create the best versions of themselves and live the life they desire.

That special "stuff" that my mom is made up of...she passed it on to me, and you can be damn sure that i will do everything in my power to pass it on to my children.