A Letter to My Nephew’s MOM…
Dear Former Sister,
When you met my little brother and quickly fell in love, my
heart was overjoyed for you both. You see, as an older sibling (and a girl!) I
have always been a bit protective of my little brother, and I saw something in
your relationship that made my heart swell. You made each other happy. And all
I want in this lifetime is for those I love to be happy.
It was easy to see what he saw in you. From early on, I considered
you to be another sister in my arsenal of family. We got along great and had
lots in common. I loved watching you with my children, you were a natural and
they LOVED you. I trusted them to your care and never once questioned that
decision. I knew you would be a great Mom one day.
I’m sure when you said yes to a marriage proposal; you did
not intend to become my brother’s ex wife. I am sure that when you discovered
that you were pregnant, you did not intend to get divorced soon after your baby’s
birth. I am sure that you did not plan for your baby to have “another Mommy” in
his life and “another Daddy” too. I am quite certain that you never imagined
you’d have to share your son with your ex husband. I am sure that this path that you are now on,
is not one that you’d imagined for yourself when you met my brother.
BUT…it is a reality nonetheless. And that’s OK. I harbor no ill will toward you
or your decision to divorce my brother. We have something very special in
common. Jack Attack, Jack Be Nimble, Jack O Lantern…by any other name, he is
your son, and he is my nephew. And just to be clear…every one of my nephews is
as near and dear to my heart as my own children. We are family.
You are still family to me because you are the mother of my
adorable little nephew. And for the rest of his spectacular life, JACK will be
a part of my family. And now there are just more people in his village of
caretakers. How wonderful for Jack.
My brother has proven me wrong and I am thrilled. I was nervous
about him being a single Dad. Would he know what his son needs and how to give
it to him? Will he be attentive and careful and nurturing? Will he BE THERE for
his son when the going gets tough? I am almost ashamed now at how scared I was.
Because he has been AWESOME. Lest there be any doubt in your mind…despite the
tumultuous past couple of years…he has become an amazing father. I don’t have
to be his shadow and remind him that his son needs sunscreen. I don’t have to
tell him to be careful near the stairs. I don’t have to tell him that when his
son is trying to get his attention by yelling I LOVE YOU DADDY, he should
respond the same way no matter how repetitive and exhausting it is to cater to
the whims of toddlers. I don’t have to tell him how important it is that he
read to his child. I don’t have to tell him to cut his grapes in half so he
doesn’t choke. I don’t have to tell him
anything because he’s already doing it.
But what I have to tell YOU is that I
desperately need you to allow him to be his son’s Father. Trust him to know
what is in his son’s best interest. Know and understand that no matter how many
people love and care for your son, no one can replace the bond he has and needs
with his Dad. And know that our family (who loved you like our own) will move Heaven
and Earth to make sure that Jack knows how much he is loved. He has 4
cousins whose little eyes light up whenever they get to see him. He has 6 aunts
and uncles who take every chance they get to snuggle him and run around with him
and just BE with him. And he has 4 grandparents who shower him with squeeze
hugs and kisses whenever they get the chance. He needs our family every bit as
much as we need him. And he needs your family just the same.
I am pleading with you to put the past aside, forget the
attorneys and the courts, the hatred and the animosity…and co-parent your child
with my brother…remembering that Jack is who you are both fighting for. And like
it or not, he needs you both. The best thing you BOTH can do for your child is
to just get along.
Love,
Your Former Sister and (Favorite) Aunt to Your Son
